I awoke this morning with my head full of lists and deadlines, and not particularly of a fun sort. My mind had clearly been in overdrive during the night, and the dawn crisis brought together a multiplicity of tasks from all parts of my life. I had planned to indulge in a pleasant little encounter with a work of art on my blog today, but my mind is see-sawing in so many different directions I can’t focus on anything for more than 30 seconds.
I clearly need to create one of those depressing lists with multiple sub-categories, but the random thought-generation process is still spitting out so many to-dos that I can’t make a start.
I used to delusionally believe I was a great multi-tasker. I’m not. All my social media activity of the past six months has served to show that faced with real serious work I’m just good at blocking out stuff that isn’t urgent to allow myself to remain in denial about everything else, and to pretend it’s all happening. I think it’s particularly hard to make art and dip in and out of life. Having conversations with the world online is lovely, but it breaks up focus and concentration in a way that is somewhat unhelpful when in the midst of creative challenges.
I can’t even sustain conversations in the real-world. Middle daughter is embarrassed to go out shopping with me because of my ‘rudeness’ to strangers. It seems I am so effective at sole-tasking on mobile devices that I don’t hear a word said to me, and accordingly fail to acknowledge most friendly passing-the-time-of-day comments, or worse, heed warnings. She thought it served me right that I nearly slipped to serious injury on a crushed grape this morning.
Household nightmares are piling up, and despite the magical assistance and availability of Team Fixit (a brilliant set-up if you are in Leeds), I feel too disorganized to write out the snag list. There is a sense of mounting hysteria which is obviously unhelpful to achieving anything,
Maybe that’s all I need to achieve today. A comprehensive To Do list.