A Few Minutes’ Worth of “Customer Service”

Some days it just all gets a bit much. As with all email exchanges, you need to start at the bottom and work your way up through the thread. I can heartily recommend emotional outpouring by email after a call-centre experience. It’s a sort of cathartic re-connect with reality. I have anonymised the service provider. Needless to say, “Customer Services” don’t think my latest missive worth replying to.


Thank you for your unhelpful response.

The number you gave me was for broadband customer service, who it seems had no authority to cancel my contract. I made it clear that this was the only thing  I was interested in my email. I was transferred to another department and put on hold. You will recall that I requested a direct phone number for a real human being, but I’m still holding as I type. You cannot begin to imagine my frustration. I am condemned to waste valuable time hanging on to sort this out, because if I don’t, despite the hundreds of pounds you have received from me for no service over the last few years, you threaten me with debt recovery.

The mindless pop music is still playing, and I’m still hanging on as I type. What a wonderfully productive time I’m having. I may as well make use of it to vent my feelings on you, your call service and call centres in general. By the way, I don’t need to be shown the way to Amarillo.

I’m interested now to see how much I can type as I hang on mindlessly. Hmmmm. Is there anyone else I can copy this to, I wonder? What do other people do as they hang on… and on…

Call answered finally.

Enjoy your day. I’ll be enjoying mine now.

On 14 Feb 2013, at 23:26, CustomerSupport@%^&$£*!!.co.uk wrote:

Thank you for your e-mail.

I have forwarded your e-mail to our Broadband Customer Service Team who will be in contact with you shortly regarding your query.

Should you wish to contact them in the meantime, you can do so by calling them on Freephone 0800 0132282.  Alternatively for help with any queries you may have please visit our Online Support Centre at http://bit.ly/I%^&$£*!!support

I hope that this will be of assistance to you.


Chris Z

%^&$£*!! Customer Sales and Support.

At %^&$£*!! we strive to deliver exceptional service. We want to hear from our customers so that we can continue to improve the service we deliver. If you would like to share your feedback on your correspondence with us and be entered into our prize draw to win £500 of %^&$£*!! vouchers, please visitwww.%^&$£*!!-cssc.com?certcode=011


—–Original Message—–

From:  gilliankempner@me.com

Sent:  14/02/2013 10:23:19 PM

To:  customersupport@%^&$£*!!.co.uk

Subject:  a/c 1292449

Dear Sirs,

I have received a few threatening letters about my broadband account. Every time I’ve tried to get through by phone, the queue has been ridiculously long, or the “24 hour service” is closed. As now, at 22.22 hours.

I have not actually used my %^&$£*!!  account now for over two years. It was a complete nightmare; the worst service EVER. I transferred to a new broadband provider; stupidly  I omitted to cancel the account then and have now clearly wasted a fortune.

I’m getting stressed by the whole ridiculous telephone set-up and by the stupid letters you are now sending.

I would like to talk to a human being without going through the phone options or a long queue.

Please advice me how I can erase you from my life.

Gillian Kempner.



2 responses to A Few Minutes’ Worth of “Customer Service”

  1. albertine

    I wonder what it feels like to be on the other end of the phone? Are these poor folk crucified by ‘targets’? Trying to answer 16 calls at once? Are they drunk, or maybe out to lunch? Are they sitting around smoking and laughing – listening to us all getting wilder and wilder on the other end, and putting bets on who will swear first? (I must have pitched them back in time somehow – they can’t really be smoking in the here and now.)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s