Zazie on the Olympics


Today I was fortunate to be able to grab 10 minutes with Zazie, and to glean a few insights on this summer’s Big Event.

GH: So Zazie, what do you think of the Olympics?

Z: What do I think? Think? I don’t think. Thinking is for pundits, politician, press. Me, I know….

GH: So what do you know?

Z: Nothing. I know nothing. It’s presumptuous to make judgements on something which hasn’t happened.

GH: Well actually, quite a lot has… Buses getting lost, security contracting cock-ups, Der Spiegel and the whole of Germany being rude about us… The Today Programme doing straw polls on whether we should be rude to the organisers or not…

Z: Things happen. Life happens. Why is any of this a surprise to anyone? The surprise is that well before I was born, we got the Olympics. As soon as I was born I knew it should have gone to Paris.

GH: Really?

Z: Absolutely. As a French bulldog, I say Vive La France. Food’s better, transport’s better, weather’s better. Why don’t you take me there more often?

GH: Er, back to the London Olympics 2012. Or can I say that? Probably not. Back to this summer in London… Will you be going to any events?

Z: Well, no. Apparently if I wear my special matching pairs of Nike trainers and my stunning JD Sports vest, I won’t get in. So why bother? I’d sooner chase squirrels. Which is another issue. Why is there no squirrel chasing event in the Olympics?

GH: Not much popular interest, maybe…

Z: Popular interest? What’s that got to do with anything? Apart from track events and beach volleyball, does anyone care about anything else?

GH: Well, the competitors who have trained their whole lives for an esoteric event experience certainly do.

Z: Exactly. Just like squirrel chasing. To which I’ve devoted my life to date, and no one cares. Not even the chance to represent my country.

GH: France?

Z: No. Scotland. I’m actually a Scottish French bulldog. The Auld Alliance for real.

GH: Zazie, it’s been good hanging out with you. Maybe we can catch up for a debrief once it’s all over?

Z: Sure. Anytime. Maybe over a squirrel chase?

GH: Maybe.

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